Beauty In a Self-Imposed Cage

A soft breeze floats my way from the lazy flapping of wings. Multifaceted eyes peer out into blue that is the day. All that hinders this gentle creature from the freedom it deserves is thin, green screen. Wanting to take on the world but not knowing where to start, it sits in silent wonder. Gathering up courage, it tries again, beating its wings more fiercely this time. So focused on what is directly in front of its face, it fails to see the better way. Less than a foot to its left there is a wide open door. An entrance to the nature it calls home, a life it is searching for. I try to coax it to come with me, to give me trust to free it from its one-sided cage. It dodges my hand and flaps its wings in debate. Coming one step closer I feel its shifty gaze evaluating me. Will it proceed to freedom or choose to remain inside, dreaming of what could be?
I am often like this delicate creature. A beautiful life which God has envisioned, trapped in a cage I have placed before myself. Yearning to move ahead into the potential which could be mine, but wanting to take my own path. I point out to God the obstacles that lay ahead and why I can’t proceed to what He desires for my life. I fail to notice the door He has opened for me, just by my side and easily in reach. Sometimes I fight His help and direction, but if I would just crawl onto His finger and let Him cup me in His hands, I would be on my way to live His ideal life for me. To take that step can be scary, daring, and full of uncertainty. More than anything however, it is worth it. By stepping forward and saying “please, carry me” I can give myself the opportunity to find a life and a happiness I never knew I could have. I see it in the distance, imagine the possibilities, but doubt they could really be mine. God knows what I truly want, He knows what I truly need, and He knows me more than I could ever know myself. I hope to always choose to take a deep breath, send up a prayer of faith and step forward into hands which love me. Only He can free me from my self-imposed cage, and take me to freedom.

Unintended Gestures

The most remarkable thing happened to me today, something out of the ordinary and in its own significant way, a glorious occurrence. There was nothing particularly special about this moment in time, I was just sitting in my taxi in Campo Verde, watching passengers get in and out at their various destinations, waiting to be taken to home. My focus, lost in the mental lists of all I had to do for the afternoon, was suddenly punctured by the words “here is your change”. Realizing I was the only one left in the taxi, I was quite bewildered by this interruptive statement. I had already paid my four soles for passage to km. 38 and was ready to get a move on. Looking at my driver, I saw in his hand 50 centimos, making my cobra S/. 3,50, the cost for a trip between Pucallpa and Campo Verde. Now normally when I get in a taxi and ask them to take me to km. 38 there is never an issue. On occasion they will up the price or not want to take us the extra distance if it as night, but never before has this been a daytime scenario. I asked him kindly if he would take me to km. 38 for the normal four soles, but he replied with an immediate “no, it is too far and too expensive”. Gathering my bags I hopped out in search of a motocar. “Hmmm…while I am here I might as well visit my fruit man and stock up the house with vitamin C” I thought to myself. So off I trotted to complete more errands, still slightly irked by having to pay two soles instead of 50 centimos for the extra four kilometers. I didn’t realize until I reached home how much of an accomplishment getting kicked out of a taxi really was. Today, I was treated like a local. It didn’t matter that I was a girl, that my eyes were blue and my skin was “gringa”. He didn’t try to get more money out of me or take me along simply for more conversation. The simple truth was that he didn’t want to take me, so he didn’t. To him, I was just another passenger in his car. I was a person who lived in Peru who had a request he wasn’t fond of. Although I do prefer one continuous, cheap ride with people who are friendly and don’t mind the extra effort, these words really touched me today. I don’t know if he was meaning to pay me this compliment in his actions but I will take it as such none the less. I was kicked to the curb by someone who didn’t see me as a tourist, someone special, or even different. It is the most wonderful feeling to be recognized for who you are. And who I am is partially Peruvian. I feel at home here. I ride in taxis, go in search of motorcars when told to do so, and walk dirt roads on occasion. This is life here and I am enamored by it. Frustrated by it at times too, but you have to love the pace all its own. So what was remarkable about my day? I was treated as an equal, a normal person in a beautiful country where for one person outward appearance didn’t make a difference.

The Return

Helloooo everyone! As most of you know I am returning to Peru for the year. Unexpected yes, but God has new and exciting plans for all of us...plans that we would never have dreamed of on our own. I will try to keep you posted as life unfolds yet again in the jungle. Keep me in your prayers and you will be in mine as well. Lots of love and many hugs...until next time!

Change

July 2009- Another Summer in Peru
Back again! I love my Peru and am so blessed to have returned. Two years ago I was doing what many are right now, making preparations to live in another country for 9-12 months. Scared, excited and absolutely clueless as to what I was about to get myself into. Here I am now, on the other side of my Peru life, returning to befriend those as they arrive and help them as they hit the ground running. Life in Peru has changed and AMOR Projects has made many new developments. It is so hard to get used to having electricity, which includes a fridge and a washing machine. This is so odd to me and I will selfishly admit I also find it a bit sad. I know that development and progress are both good and necessary, but nothing can ever replace the feeling of candlelight dinners and worship, or washing your clothes by hand. It is however wonderful to not have to worry about leftovers spoiling or using 3 much needed hours sitting at the well. Person after person continues to arrive, and I love watching their reactions. Faces of awe and surprise, many questions and long glances. I am so excited for the day where those faces reflect a look of comfort and home. Still full of awe, but awe in a grateful and blessed manner. Where what they see is life, not questionable newness. When every street becomes familiar and people become friends and family. Language may always be somewhat of a barrier, but actions, as they learn to use them, will speak so much louder and will change them in ways they never new possible. Here, change is key. And even though at times I selfishly regret it, change of the land brings progress, and change of the heart brings joy and peace. As the soul, their inner being, is slowly given away and exchanged for a piece of this new life, this new world, developments will take place that they didn´t even know were necessary. Change can come with difficulty and change can come unnoticed, but the one thing I wish for each of these new volunteers is that they allow themselves to be changed. I hope they return home different...keeping of course their prior good, but embracing and viewing life as so much more. Pray for them as they journey, pray for them as they LIVE, and pray for them that they always keep what they are sure to discover here. Life as they never knew it before and as they will never know it again. Change can be good no matter where you are. Look for it, embrace it, grow with it, and live the life God has given you...no matter how many changes it may entail. Be they easy or tough they are bound to bring you to a place you would have never found yourself otherwise. A place of good and discovery...and maybe, like these volunteers, even a place called Peru.