I know many people think I am crazy, and to some extent they may be right. Why go back so soon? That’s a lot of money for just 3 weeks to hang out… To the normal person, going back to Peru 3 months later for just 3 weeks right before school starts is a little strange. I mean aren’t you glad to be home… in the “good ‘ole” U.S. of A. ? Aren’t you glad to have all your home commodities back? Yes, it’s nice to see family, or not to have to leave an hour before everything “just in case”. Yes, it’s nice to have food from home and a refrigerator to put things in. But this isn’t who I am. It is what I have, but not where my heart is. Unless you’ve been away from home to a place you love, you will never understand the homesickness you can feel for a place and a people you were afraid of for so long. I can’t believe that a year ago, I was running around stressing out, trying to buy everything I would need and fit a years supply into 2 small suitcases…wondering how I would fit into a new country or spend nine months away from my loved ones. Now I am wondering how to make life work without all that.
The first two weeks crept by, but then we got into a routine and the next thing I new it was time for Christmas vacation. You wouldn’t think that in five months 10 complete strangers could become your dearest family and friends… those you share everything with, live for, and can’t wait to see at the end of the day. I missed my “real” family terribly and wished my US friends were there many a time and wouldn’t trade them for the world, but the Lord blessed me greatly with my Peru home and Peru family. After vacation the group felt even closer… there were some additions and subtractions, but the feel was always the same… blessed and loved. Of course there were trying times…times when we got on each others nerves, or when I was ready to go home, but you are bound to have days like that.
In my time away I realized that I am NOT cut out to be a teacher and that medical work still excites me, but it wasn’t the eye opening experience I was looking for in terms of where I was going in life. Being in Peru didn’t tell me what career to pursue, what or who to be. It didn’t give me a spiritual high like I was expecting, or this new found reliance on my Creator and King. Peru didn’t hand me a road map to life… but it helped me to live mine and to follow someone Who knows where I should go. I can’t live my life for anyone else but Him and me, and that is one thing I learned there. Life’s decisions can’t be made by what other people think or feel, I have to be me, and in Peru I got to do just that, whoever “me” may be.
Although I can see myself becoming a doctor and raising a family here at home in the country hills of Tennessee, I can just as easily see myself working in the “Clinic de Esperanza” on Km. 38… or doing jungle clinics, and this scares me. It scares me not to know where my life is heading or what direction to take… where I’ll make my home or what my loved ones will think, but this isn’t up to me to decide. People may say I’ve lost it to love a life so simple…one without the hassles of electricity and a grocery store, and where exercise is a way of life and not just 20 minutes you might squeeze in five times a week… one where you get laughed at for slaughtering another language every time you open your mouth, or have to use a wooden booth to call home. Honestly, I can’t tell you why I love and miss it soooo much. Is it the culture, the land, my Km. 38 home and family, the people, the work, or is it something more? No where inside of me can I find the words that say “this” is why I need to go back…why I need to be in Peru. I just know that is where part of me belongs and will forever be. I did choose August for the fact that they desperately need translators and extra hands for a large group coming from LLU… not just to hang out, but that still doesn’t explain the longing inside of me. Although I would love to be able so say I just want to go back to help out, that wouldn’t be entirely truthful… I know that’s not the only reason. Maybe I just need to escape for a bit, it can’t be a longing to see people, most of them are in the states…unless it is the people of Peru in general, not just those from km. 38. This makes just as much sense to me as it does to many of you. I know this isn’t the hugest of deals, I’d actually be surprised if anyone reads this far, but I guess you aren’t really meant to, it’s just mindless jabber. Besides, it’s not another year...Albeit tempting, I’m smart enough to know that education is essential; it’s only 3 weeks of a random friend’s life that doesn’t affect you. It’s just that, I don’t know, maybe I need to be that bit of Peruvian I was for so long and learn how to bring her back with me… to not lose the change I’ve found and try to make my heart whole again. It may hurt worse or it may hurt less to leave again, but I guess I’ll find out. I love Peru and the life I had there, and although I am happy with my life in the United States and don’t want anyone to think of me as miserable or ungrateful (because I am neither of these), I will still miss it more than many will ever understand. Just a little bit of two worlds all wrapped up in one crazy and confused girl who talks too much at midnight…and that’s all there is to it.
The first two weeks crept by, but then we got into a routine and the next thing I new it was time for Christmas vacation. You wouldn’t think that in five months 10 complete strangers could become your dearest family and friends… those you share everything with, live for, and can’t wait to see at the end of the day. I missed my “real” family terribly and wished my US friends were there many a time and wouldn’t trade them for the world, but the Lord blessed me greatly with my Peru home and Peru family. After vacation the group felt even closer… there were some additions and subtractions, but the feel was always the same… blessed and loved. Of course there were trying times…times when we got on each others nerves, or when I was ready to go home, but you are bound to have days like that.
In my time away I realized that I am NOT cut out to be a teacher and that medical work still excites me, but it wasn’t the eye opening experience I was looking for in terms of where I was going in life. Being in Peru didn’t tell me what career to pursue, what or who to be. It didn’t give me a spiritual high like I was expecting, or this new found reliance on my Creator and King. Peru didn’t hand me a road map to life… but it helped me to live mine and to follow someone Who knows where I should go. I can’t live my life for anyone else but Him and me, and that is one thing I learned there. Life’s decisions can’t be made by what other people think or feel, I have to be me, and in Peru I got to do just that, whoever “me” may be.
Although I can see myself becoming a doctor and raising a family here at home in the country hills of Tennessee, I can just as easily see myself working in the “Clinic de Esperanza” on Km. 38… or doing jungle clinics, and this scares me. It scares me not to know where my life is heading or what direction to take… where I’ll make my home or what my loved ones will think, but this isn’t up to me to decide. People may say I’ve lost it to love a life so simple…one without the hassles of electricity and a grocery store, and where exercise is a way of life and not just 20 minutes you might squeeze in five times a week… one where you get laughed at for slaughtering another language every time you open your mouth, or have to use a wooden booth to call home. Honestly, I can’t tell you why I love and miss it soooo much. Is it the culture, the land, my Km. 38 home and family, the people, the work, or is it something more? No where inside of me can I find the words that say “this” is why I need to go back…why I need to be in Peru. I just know that is where part of me belongs and will forever be. I did choose August for the fact that they desperately need translators and extra hands for a large group coming from LLU… not just to hang out, but that still doesn’t explain the longing inside of me. Although I would love to be able so say I just want to go back to help out, that wouldn’t be entirely truthful… I know that’s not the only reason. Maybe I just need to escape for a bit, it can’t be a longing to see people, most of them are in the states…unless it is the people of Peru in general, not just those from km. 38. This makes just as much sense to me as it does to many of you. I know this isn’t the hugest of deals, I’d actually be surprised if anyone reads this far, but I guess you aren’t really meant to, it’s just mindless jabber. Besides, it’s not another year...Albeit tempting, I’m smart enough to know that education is essential; it’s only 3 weeks of a random friend’s life that doesn’t affect you. It’s just that, I don’t know, maybe I need to be that bit of Peruvian I was for so long and learn how to bring her back with me… to not lose the change I’ve found and try to make my heart whole again. It may hurt worse or it may hurt less to leave again, but I guess I’ll find out. I love Peru and the life I had there, and although I am happy with my life in the United States and don’t want anyone to think of me as miserable or ungrateful (because I am neither of these), I will still miss it more than many will ever understand. Just a little bit of two worlds all wrapped up in one crazy and confused girl who talks too much at midnight…and that’s all there is to it.
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